Man is the only creature who refuses to be what he is. Albert Camus

I thought adulthood would be something that suddenly kicks-in at a certain (perceived at that point as old) age. But as years passed I just became more efficient at doing stuff that needs doing, through experience.

This is not enough. It lacks acceptance of a life in which most of the day is hard work and administrative tasks, and not fun, games, sports, time with friends and learning new stuff.

It lacks cold blooded reactions in the face of adversity you find in a marathon (paying long term loans, job security over the years, responsibility for a family and for the social group we belong to). It lacks the feeling of naturally navigating through life our parents showed.

It takes effort, mental effort, as if the doing is done by an older more capable child, similar to taking care of his younger brother, and not by a mature and seasoned veteran I expected to have become by now.

Nevertheless, the years bring knowledge and sharpen our life skills, so the version I am today is an improved version.

Having a growth mindset is also important, trying to become better each day and to seek improvement from every experience. I like how growth mindset is defined by the psychologist Carol Dweck: In a growth mindset, people believe that their most basic abilities can be developed through dedication and hard work—brains and talent are just the starting point. This view creates a love of learning and a resilience that is essential for great accomplishment.

I gave some thought to the motivation we have to polish and enrich ourselves and I summed up my conclusions here:

I think all these layers provide strong motivation and I am really thankful, looking back, for the hard work my kids made me put-in to better myself.

After some online research I found a study that says that parenthood enhances generativity, which is the concern for establishing and guiding the next generation. This increased generativity is linked to higher levels of well-being and life satisfaction among parents. Journal: Developmental Psychology (2001)

Also, I found that generativity extends beyond individual well-being to societal contributions. Parents often engage in broader community and societal roles, driven by their generative concern for their children’s future. The Generative Society: Caring for Future Generations (2004)

Our role as parents, taken seriously, offers so much, and from our infinite love for our kids we get the courage to face cold mirrors overlooking our big kid behavior. We make the hard change in us not because our own parents or mentors showed us, not because it is important to us, nor for our loved partner in life, just for our children. And I find that to be the strongest possible motivation.

Being a parent is not just growing a kid, it’s growing as an adult and creating a world that otherwise wouldn’t exist. It really is a unique and precious life experience and let me just take this moment to send a friendly & considerate pat on the shoulder for every dedicate parent out there. It’s a huge responsibility to care for future generations and it’s so much effort and energy, for such a good cause, showing appreciation is normal.

Making the world a better place, one day at a time.